My story is lacking commitment.
I figured it out. I have this problem in a lot of areas-strangely enough relationships not being one of them-regardless-
In my martial arts class I'm always being told to flesh out the movements a bit more, get into them, give them a little more oomph. Take them to their fullest. I tend to gloss over things a bit more...just naturally inclined that way.
So when I'm reading through my story-especially the last chapters, I'm realizing that I haven't really committed to anything-I've got the idea, I've got the "moments" that are supposed to mean something but I get into "gloss over" mode and I don't really write the moment. I get the bones and then expect people to get really excited hehe. Or something. So bearing this in mind-and hopefully without getting incredibly wordy and reaching for straws, I will attempt to actually write this thing-which sounds silly. I think I get scared away of what people may or may not think about my own sanity or my own personal values based on the things I write about. The thing is, I'm not writing my life story. They know that. I know that. I'm writing from the perspective of someone else entirely-in theory. And therefore, I can do what I want or what the story dictates. Something that makes things a little more interesting.
I've said it before, but there's something intimidating about putting things down in black and white because it makes them seem more real.
When I want to write something intense and sensuous and whatever, or completly the opposite, really awkward and open and quirky, I get tied up in the fear that people are going to overlay what my characters do and say and think about, onto me, without knowing me. I guess in someways it woudn't be a bad thing but at the same time-it's something I need to just get over.
Alrighty-making a late dinner and then perhaps attempting this monster. I swear I'll keep moving.
The abridged version of this post could have read: I am going to make a pledge to stop half assing everything I do.