Tuesday, September 27, 2011

These strange obsessions

I've begun a detox program this last week. It was all sparked by an article I read in my Yoga Journal magazine. The timing also seemed right-I was fortunate enough to have the time off to go to a four day yoga retreat at the Shoshoni Ashram and really get things centered, stretched and revitalized. It's been a tough couple of weeks at work and I really needed the space to unwind and get back in tune with my body.

So now that I'm on this detox I'm realizing what a crazy, obsessive, mind I have when it comes to food. I find myself reading nutrition articles, counting down the time until I can eat lunch, wondering what I'm going to do for a snack or worrying about getting half way through my day and being, god forbid, hungry or caught unprepared.

I don't quite know this overractive relationship has come from-I know when I increased my level of activity to include quite literally all of the things I love doing my appetite increased. This is normal and I saw it as a positive adjustment to my lifestyle. My weight went down, which was a nice byproduct of ramping up my activity levels, and I felt like I started making better choices more consistantly.

I know my "food-brain" obsession is being augmented by the Detox program because I'm limited on what I can eat and I'm working on eating mindfully when I do get the opportunity. Some good things have come from this for sure; namely, I'm more aware of when I'm truly hungry and when I think I'm hungry, as well as more appreciative of the times I get to eat because I don't have the same knee-jerk freedom as I did when I wasn't trying to detox.

I'm also realizing the role that caffeine plays in my life. I knew beforehand that I was, and am, a coffee junkee. I love a good, well-brewed, cup of coffee as much as I love a delicious, dressed up, soy mocha. However, these past two days where I've gone sans coffee and sans caffeine have really brought to the forefront how much I relied on it as a form of distraction.

Not happy with what I'm doing at work? Oh, i'll just go get a cup of coffee and come back to it. Or, feeling "disconnected" from a certain project? Maybe I just need a boost and I'll be right back to my previous performance level.

I think these symptoms are actually indicative of other things-it's not that I need the coffee or the caffeine to get me through the project, it's that I need a break from what I'm doing-totally and completely-to recenter and refocus my attention.

I need to utilize the break time I have at work so I can continue to be productive and happy.

I'm hoping that as I progress in this detox and become accustomed to the eating schedule that my brain and thoughts will calm down along with my body and I will begin to relax the focus I have on food and the idea of always being full or nourished. There are other ways to get this feeling without always having to have the right snack or drink or option at my finger tips.