3....2.....1...

Ok, so I just woke up from one of those naps that feel like you might as well have been asleep for weeks...serious stuff. (c:

heh...so everything I own smells like Herbal Essences. This isn't usually a bad thing, except that it's not mine. Turns out someone's stuff emptied near or onto my bag and the straps on my backpack and outside pockets smell really, really, intensely like shampoo now.

I'll have to avoid rainstorms.

So-dunno why but it struck my fancy to post one of my photos from switzerland on here....I put the rest onto www.flickr.com/photos/rissifish so if any of ya'll are interested, you can go check out the stuff there. One day, I will eventually get a full fledged account and you can look at all my random stuff instead of just the first 200.

So...enjoy.

The Things I Do.

I have spent more time in this airport at the moment than I did working the entirety of last week.

I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

I'm in Cincinnattucky...the blip on the map that is Cincinatti/Northern Kentucky Airport. I will be here until 7:50pm their time.

That's a strange phrase if you think about it...their time. Our time. We humans sure do like to claim things. I'm going to invent my own time zone to live in. One where layovers are never 8 hours long (though I did it to myself this time) and I can be in two places at the same "time".

So had a great day on Friday. I went down to the First Friday's in Downtown, did a little pimping of my artwork and had some success. It was good stuff. Really good stuff. I spent yesterday running around with friends in a sort of final hurrah before I leave for the wild blue until September. I don't know if I'm excited about going back or happy or what.

I'm sort of in the middle. Lots of opportunities in lots of different places.

I reserved a booth at the River Market Arts Festival too this weekend...it's in September and I"m planning on being back in town for it so that should be good. Hopefully that works out well in the end. I'd like to have some new pieces to show off but we'll see, it will depend on when I return and what I get done in Europe and how transportable it is.

I rocked the packing yesterday. Got everything washed, packed and stored (the stuff I wasn't taking) in record time. I could now effectively escape in the middle of the night if I ever had to hehe. Travelling is good practice for stuff like that. :D

So now that I'm going to be going back to Germany, I am planning on sitting down a writing more of the Dicken's Challenge stuff. I know...I know...I could buy lunch if I had a dollar for every time I've said that, but I swear I mean it this time because I'm not going to be distracted quite as much. Though, Stuttgart is going to be vastly more exciting than Wilhelmshaven I can guarantee it.

I need to find a post office type place somewhere in this airport. I don't know if they're equipped with one but here's hoping. If the airport were located anywhere near the city and I could reach it reasonably I would go explore a bit..the weather looks amazing outside. I took the shuttle back and forth a few times just for the sunshine dosage. I'm pathetic I know.

Crossing my fingers it won't be raining in London. I might have better luck of finding 300 dollars in my shoe magically but last time I was there it didn't rain at all so maybe it will be good just for me. I broke down and reserved an expensive (Debit card is still crying over it) hotel room about 3 minutes from the airport. Normally I wouldn't do it, but my flight leaves at 6:40am. I repeat, at 20 to the ungodly hour of 7am I have to be on a flight. I need to arrive at the airport by at least 5:30am. The bus from London proper takes 1 hour, 45 minutes to get there so yeah...to save myself having to get up and be on a bus at like, 3:30am I sucked it up and paid for a hotel room with a free transfer and a continental breakfast. I will just have to be really really good while I"m gone and not touch my bank account hehe. Otherwise, I won't get home.

Ok...going to go find a plug to power my laptop up again.

More once I reach the other side of the pond.

If there was an onomotopoeic word for the noise my brain was making...

I'd use it. But there isn't. I have a bit too much energy it would seem.

Surprise surprise.

This is a frequent occurrence with me. The stars align, the cosmos conspire with the tides and the next thing you know, I'm bouncing off the walls.

Or it might be the five hours of painting and the hour of bellydancing I did tonight. There is something so completely intoxicating and infusing about spending time with creative people. My friend and I got together today at the local coffeeshop for some canvas manipulation. I played with oils for the first time. I like them. Let me rephrase that...I Loooooove them. I can paint and paint and paint and paint and it just keeps blending and then, guess what? I can cut more light spots into the paint and repeat the whole process!

It's amazing. I also bought this really whacky and chunky matte medium gel stuff and made one of the loudest paintings ever...I love it. It looks like a rusty wall or something with this crazy aqua blue green patina. It's really fun and I'm amused. I did it with acrylics cause I'm impatient and I wanted to create something on the fly.

Tomorrow I am going to be taking some photographs of my friend who is pregnant. She's due in 7 weeks and she wants to get some good photos done. It is a sensitive subject for me for various reasons and I'm really looking forward to digging into some great photos with her. We are going to be heading down to Westport, which is the grungy, arty, bohemian-esque, local coffee shop beat out StarBucks part of town (you know, where the art kids and the homeless people hang out together). They have some really great graffitied walls and some funky places mixed with park settings that I think would be really nice.

not that I'm a professional photographer but I can take a decent photo. I'm even going to do it with the dirty F word (film. film!) which I prefer for certain things like this. Anything that gets me more into the process I'm good with.

I've been doing a lot of thinking. I should be doing a lot of reading, jewelry making and cleaning but instead I've been doing a little of those and lots of pondering. Which is both a blessing and a curse. It can spur action as much as it can completely stop me in my tracks.

I am twenty five. I have always been of the mindset that people can do whatever they want, when they want. If you are fifty and want to change careers, I'm tempted to say you can do it if you have the right mindset and attitude. However, I am not in the popular thinking stream with this. I'm ok with all that but it's frustrating. I feel like my walls of "Do anything anytime" are slowly closing in around me, or worse, dissipating into the muggy humidity of the Midwest. I don't like the term "biological clock" or "becoming more career focused" What if I'm not concerned with having kids before I'm 30 or landing that sweet spot job that makes me a bunch of money?

More power to me right? So why do I feel sometimes like instead of being bolstered forward into my bright and shiny future without limits I'm just getting sat on and slowly squashed down by the monster of Reality?

It's a bit dramatic but it sucks. I know, in my heart, that I can live a creative life. Whatever that

means. I also know that eventually I am going to have to focus my energy on something. Whether that's my painting, my jewelry design, my interior design stuff, wedding specialty projects, playing guitar, going to a good grad school and becoming an art historian, traveling the world, etc. etc. etc.

you see my point? I'm like a synapse in an ADHD brain with too much caffeine. Boing. Boing. Boing. It's not that I don't stick with things either...I just tend to do them all at the same time. It makes for some really messy guitar strings and some really colorful art history pages.

I like the weird kinetic energy that I seem to thrive on-I know that's all that matters. I also like having lots of stuff to do so I can take a moment away from certain things without being left without a creative outlet.

I don't like being told that I'm getting too old to do this or being accused of being a freeloader (I'm really not. I'm just borrowing a bedroom with my dad for 2 months. First time in five years I haven't been paying rent, working, dealing with a car, extra curricular lessons and making art. so poo on him).

I wish there was a way of transmitting mental zen to other people so they could be happy living their lives and just as happy to let me live mine the way I want to.

I will eventually get a retirement fund. I will eventually find a "career". I will move back to the states, for an undisclosed amount of time, and focus my energy on all those important things I keep hearing about....painting, drawing, making music. I mean...rent, bills, student loans and the GRE test books.

When are some times you have felt pressure from others to change your life or your aspirations and refused to give in? It's not that all the pressures I'm getting are negative, they're just clueless. Have you encountered the same thing before? What was your response?

And lastly, since this is my blog and not twenty questions, did you find a way to make them understand or did you just find new friends?

Stolen Meme

I like Meme's....I can just answer questions. They are like the adult versions of MASH or something.

Anyway....shamelessly stolen without being invited (sorry...) from Lisa.

What were you doing 10 years ago?

Ten years ago...well...I was attending ThunderRidge High School in Highlands Ranch Colorado. I was 15. I was on the verge of having a driver's permit. I was taking AP Literature and Composition and reading a lot of books. I was an awkward kid in a lot of ways. I had just gotten braces, which I had fought against for umpteen years and finally lost the battle against. Unlike most kids, I didn't really mind them all that much. They were taken off the day of my senior prom so I lucked out. I also begged a lot. Like, a lot.

I was living with my mom (obviously) on the same street and in the same house I had been living in since I was born and I had a crazy dog that I named (at the age of 6) Pup Pup.

I worked at McDonald's because I could walk and I remember starting off making 6.15/hour and then getting a ten cent raise. I also remember being told that if I worked as much as I talked, I'd be a lot better off. I haven't ever forgotten that manager or that....it still hasn't sunk in but she was right in a lot of ways. (c:

I was a year (or almost) into knowing one of the best people in my life and almost to the point where I would meet the next best person in my life though i didn't know it. I met my best friend and was learning how to be a normal kid...I spent a lot of my childhood without friends and I was seriously missing some of the "normal kid" requirements. But I got sorted out.


Five things on your to-do list for today

1. Go to the post office to mail Lisa's necklace that she ordered from me.

2. Run to the bead store

3. Meet up with a friend and fellow artist for some afternoon painting and art class instructing

4. Get my room cleaned up again

5. Dye my fabric that has been sitting on my floor waiting...patiently...


What would you do if you were a billionaire?

This question has always annoyed and fascinated me at the same time. On one hand, it's nice to think about all the things you would do or would like to do and yet I keep wanting to say "but what about what I can do now...why can't I do these things with less money?"

To indulge, however, momentarily in the idea of having endless amounts of money, I would start off by getting my mom a new house and getting some things set up for my dad and extended family. That's a given.

I would then turn around and purchase as many untouched rainforests as i could and leave them that way. I wouldn't let Kleenex (who are a bunch of dirty bastards) cut down any more trees for their stupid tissues http://www.kleercut.com/ and I would see about working out some sort of give and take program, work issue something or other that would allow people who really do rely on certain things to make money for their families to continue to do so...but with a bit more conservation in mind instead of just greed. I'm a hippie. I know.

I would also like to dump a bunch of money into our education systems....and control where it goes and who it goes to.

In short, I'd like to take over the world. Or at least reorganize a big part of big business...but with a charming diplomatic smile on my face and a big ol' fat check waiting for whomever...it'd work. (c:

And, I have to agree with Lisa, setting up several artist retreats that were paid for or could pay the artist that weren't only for the "elite" would be amazing. Totally a life dream. One that I intend to do without having to be a billionaire first. It would help but it's not required I don't think.

What are three of your bad habits?

1. Twirling my hair when I'm idle or really worked up...i'm like a wind up toy

2. Staying up really really late

3. Losing things. You know that phrase about losing your own head if it weren't attached to you? Yeah...it was created for me.



What are some snacks you enjoy?

1. Raisinets

2. Cashews or really any kind of nuts

3. Salt and Vinegar chips

4. Trail mix

5. Fruit. Lots of fruit. Specifically of the mango, apple or pear variety.

What were the last five books you read?

1. Water for Elephants which was darn good, darnit.

2. Let's Go Eastern Europe (yeah...i actually read the whole thing)

3. Really Loud and Extremely Close

4. Memoirs of my Melancholy Whores

5. 500 Bracelets (it was more of a looking through and not a reading...but i went through all of them)

I need to read more books soon. I've been slacking. Or I'm just having alzheimers at the moment and am forgetting something.

What are five jobs you have had?

Oh God...hehe..here we go, in no particular order

1. Subway Sandwhich Artist (gag me)

2. Bartender for two nights at a crazy Mexican bar where no one spoke English

3. Waitress at a Comedy Club that was run by some really whacky brothers who have sordid histories.

4. Administrative Assistant for a construction company

5. Owner of my own very small business


What are five places where you have lived?

1, Highlands Ranch, Colorado. I grew up here, I was raised here and I stayed here for 19 years until I moved away to...Drumroll

2. Kansas City-for college. This is where I currently live. I've been here about five years and I like the city and I have a lot of really great friends who put up with me and all my eccentricities.

3. Wilhelmshaven, Germany. I lived here for about 3 months off and on doing some artwork, hanging out with some kids and all that good stuff...

4. Mersin, Turkey. I lived here for 2 months with my family prior to starting all of my travels around Europe. It might be a bit of a short amount of time to really be considered "living" but it was close enough

5. I don't think there's a fifth one...I never moved as a kid. I guess I can say Europe. I lived in and around Europe for almost 7 months. I'm a big 'ol cheater I know.


So yeah...that's it.

Blue Tiara

I am wearing a blue tiara at the moment. It's utterly ridiculous. I love it. It was my friend's bachelorette party this evening-we went to a place called Pin Up Bowl and went to dinner at Jose Peppers. Good stuff. We dressed her in a tutu and veil, flashy bling awful rings and beads and took her bowling. Nothin' like it. I hope to have pictures soon hehe. She is getting married on Saturday. I am one of her bridesmaids so it's been a hectic week. I've never been a bridesmaid before. I think I might actually be allergic to weddings. I've worked enough banquets and sponsered dinners to know that much. However, I must say, my friend and her wedding plans have given me hope. It's going to be an awesome gig. Good music...no Baby Got Back, Hot in Here or other crap...no lame frilly over the top lace and beads and 4,000 dollar swans with ice sculptures. Instead, we have a classy black and white ska music theme (aka checkerboard), red and orange for some awesome accent colors, interesting flowers, classy bridemaid dresses (I can actually wear it again in public) and what is aiming to be a lot of fun. I'm actually excited.

Sort of makes me wonder if and when I ever get married or decide on any of that rubbish what sort of insane concoctions I'm going to come up with. My friend has managed to keep it about her and her originality and creativity. Which is something so many weddings sorely lack.

Pardon the digression.

It looks like some of my networking has paid off. I went and talked to a gallery downtown yesterday and the lady said that she would let me come in a sell during First Fridays when all the new shows open. She also said that any time I wanted to come down on a Saturday and sell I was welcome. This is good news seeing as I am trying to make some money for my fledgling business and work towards turning it into a real business. I am also trying to get some different art projects ready and worked on to submit for some of the upcoming art shows and the such that I'm reading about but I'm sort of running out of time. I'm trying to apply all the right tactics to get things done but sometimes it's easy to get things spread a little thin around here.

I am currently focusing on getting things for the wedding squared away without breaking my bank account entirely (it's not my wedding. I shouldn't go into debt) and get things ready and prepared for my upcoming artist residence and return to Europe.

I have mixed feelings in some ways about going back. I think that's part of being home for me though...when I'm here I keep looking for that thing whatever it is, that will make me feel like I'm part of a family here. Really and truly. Not that I don't think I have a place or that I'm not loved..I'm not emo or 14 anymore, I know I have those things...I just wish that I felt more integrated. More like I had an impact on things when I'm here I guess. Maybe it's ego. Maybe it's not. Maybe I'm imagining a false sense of importance to the family I work with overseas or maybe I approach my own family with such bias, such tinted views on reality that I can't see the proverbial forest.

Maybe it's really just them. I like that answer. Leaves me with my hand well out of the cookie jar.

There is a new book out called "Who's Your City"-I was hearing about it today on NPR. They were talking about various personality types, cities that fit those types and where the different types of people tend to gravitate. While I'm not usually a fan of compartmentalizing people (or anything really) I think there is some validity to what the book is talking about. I am going to be dealing with where to land when I come back from Estonia/Germany (going to be living in stuttgart...light years better than Wilhelmshaven).

I want to find a place where the energy fits me. I want to find my frequency. I don't necessarily have to stay there for the rest of my life or whatever but I am aiming to find a solid place to land where I feel comfortable making art, making a home (for however long), etc. I really like a lot of things about Kansas City. I care a lot about the people that I know here, the things that I've gotten to do and experience while living here, etc. I don't know if it will be where I set up in the end but I'm open to the idea. I know that for me a huge factor is going to be how creative I feel I can be here. Both in my profession and practice and in my life. I want to be challenged.

What has influenced where you live? Family? friends? career? gut instict?

I'm curious how and why some of you out there found your way to where you are now and what that means to you and what you think the future holds.

Blogging for boredom...

I'm bored. I know, it's cliched.

I had a pretty good Tuesday actually. More specifically, it's been a productive week so far and we're only two days in...this is good.

I did a lot of research about some different Calls for Artists and the such and found some really cool sounding stuff. There is an art pool in San Francisco that is looking for artists to do some commissions for the San Francisco Airport Terminal 2 that they are remodeling. I think some large scale Fiber pieces would be perfect. They want 10 images of your work. I have ten images, I just have to beef up the fiber element of it since I either usually end up selling my fiber pieces or not photographing them because they are difficult to do justice. Unless you have a professional, which would be nice, but I'm all out of those at the moment. I do have a really nifty camera though so that might help (c:

I ordered some cool new dye stuff from my favoritest (hehe) website ever, Dharma trading company. Good stuff. Love their products and their website is great. Anyway, I ordered some stuff and it's being rocketed towards me as we speak (I'm sure...) and it should be here in a few days. I can then turn the upstairs laundry room into a dye kitchen for about an hour and hopefully have the basis for some cool new art stuffs. We'll see how it goes. I have been wanting to sit down and play with some stuff for a while. Mess around with some watercolors or something. I dunno. Silkpainting is a great way to get some cool results too.

I have promised myself that I am going to go back to the writing process at the end of the week. Life has a strange way of hitting you with things all at the same time and while I have no real excuse, its been its own process getting back into the country and all. It happens. I'm ok with it.

I had my kung fu class tonight which is always a really nice outlet for things. I am really aiming to get my next rank before I go back to Europe. I want to be able to move on and work on some different things and it's been a bit too long between rankings I think. I also feel much more ready, much more like a martial artist than I have in the past. One of those life lesson things I've learned or have begun to learn I believe while I was traveling around having to not only depend on me but trust me. They seem like the same thing but there are shades of meaning that seperate them.


I have let a few other things slide in the recent past...not so much a good thing, but I'm working on it. At the moment I'm waiting to get some more money in so I can sit down and repost a lot of my jewelry to my Etsy site...at the moment there's nothing up there I don't think. Which isn't good. Things like that need to stay active and that requires having objects to show. I think I am going to start doing my commission pieces via them to generate some sales and show a number under "sold" pieces. Perhaps that will help my store become more recognizable by the search engines so I get more traffic. I need to do some marketing too...but that costs money sometimes. (c: I have some nifty postcards, I just have to make sure they get up around town.

If any of you know, need or want some cool jewelry, wedding stuff, last minute gifts, give me a hollar, I can email images of my work and or direct you to a site that will show you my work upon request. :D

I'm going to be posting my reading list in a few days here I think, I've just about finished up my last book for this part of the month. May I spent scattered and not doing much of anything except trying to get back in the swing of things (only to leave again in July but whatever..)

From the deep there rumbled something...

Oh wait. It's just me. Posting a blog again. finally. I don't know. I have not been in the mood for blogging or writing much of anything the past ooooo...two weeks. I have been reading a lot, thinking a lot, doing a lot of laundry and catching up with my friends.

I know there's like, two of you out here who are still interested, but I swear I haven't actually given up on writing Beyond The Seven Seas...appearances can be deceiving. It's just stewing and sitting and not getting written. I will push forward. I just haven't really had the time. And, I got my guitar back and that's a huuuge distraction.

I feel like I'm 17 again. Not in that warm-squishy-basking-in-the-glow-of-youth way. In the..."dad, can I borrow the car? I need a job I can walk to" sort of way. Gag. On a sock.

Living at home again after being out of your parents house for six years is definitely not on my list of easy things to do. Not that my dad isn't overall a decent person to share a house with. The stepmother is alright too if insanely jealous that I can come and go as I please.

Sorry toots.

Currently, I am sitting in the office enjoying M and M's, milk and contemplating the delights of taking a shower. I had my Kung Fu class tonight. It is probably one of my most favorite places to be.

I have been running around catching up with friends that I have missed. I did not realize how much I had missed them until I saw them again. I have also been living life with exactly 2.95 cents in my bank account. Hehe. There are perks to living with your dad. It's like an insurance plan or something.

I think part of why I have not been writing is because my brain is processing. Europe was a huge experience and really, this trip home is more of just a pause in the bigger picture. I leave Kansas again to go back to europe on July 14th. At the beginning of August I am traveling to Estonia. I am going to try and venture into Russia. I'm excited about that.

I think coming home was a necessary thing for more than one reason. It is allowing me to gain some perspective on what I did or did not learn during my time abroad.

I feel as though I am sitting on a fulcrum. I can either slide back into the same old shit or I can re-enter some of the familiar situations from my past with the promise to myself and to my heart that I will approach them differently. Situations are, in some ways, neutral. It's what we manage to bring to them or lay over them or charge them with that dictate how they proceed.

The pasts attached to us are seductive. They don't want to be ignored. They are always waiting somewhere just beyond what we can see, waiting to pull us back into what Was.

I don't want that to be the case here. Where I was headed wasn't all that bad...no real things to complain about but at the same time, I can head to better places I think. I am holding on to some things-

I still want to go to graduate school and get a PhD in Art History so I can teach university. That's really, really important to me. I've also decided though that I want to live a creative life. Whatever that means. I know what end I want to reach, or the general direction that the end lies in but I am no longer going to tie myself into knots worrying about how I'm going to get there.

Goal in mind. Let the games begin.

There was a lot of turmoil surrounding the time that I picked up and left to travel for six months. I broke up with a boyfriend of three years, sold my car, boxed up a lot of stuff for Goodwill, took a lot of things out to my mom's, friend's etc. to be stored and left. I remember sitting in JFK's airport heading to Turkey feeling like I had fought on the frontline of a war. It was a strange way to depart.

Coming home was much less troubled. Granted, my wonderful friend sort of left me at the airport by accident (when I say wonderful, I really do mean wonderful. She didn't mean to abandon me exactly hehe) but there were no tears, no pain associated with leaving or returning. I was excited and a bit overwhelmed as I arrived into Atlanta's airport.

I know better now on an emotional level (not just intellectual) that I need to pursue things like making music and art and my business plan and all those things that make me feel like me without apologizing for it or giving pieces of me away to those who don't want to give anything back. Or rather, who want to give the wrong sort of things back.

That's huge.

1663muM

No...I am not playing with my caps lock key.

That is the number, in meters, that I hiked today in the Swiss Alps. :D Big smile and grin.

I left Wilhelmshaven, Germany yesterday and arrived in St. Gallen, Switzerland to stay with a very cool friend of a friend. He's a big mountain, outdoors guy from Canada who has had the joy of moving to Switzerland for work. He was awesome enough to take me out to the mountains today. We started our hike and actually summited the mountain. Not such a big deal for him but for me it was amazing. We hiked in the sun and the beautiful setting of the swiss Alps and it was beyond words. I will have photos soonish. Hopefully tonight. There was snow at the top and, even though my feet got wet, it was great. Absolutely great.

We ate lunch at the top and then caught the train down the mountain and came back to the house. I am thinking about taking a day trip or two while I'm in Switzerland before I head to Ireland. I am really excited about Ireland. I've been there twice and every time I go I feel like I've come home.

I went for the first time when I was 17 with my high school choir. I remember, I stepped off the plane and something slipped into my soul that felt right. I disregarded it somewhat because I figured I was starstruck by being out of the country for the first time. And then I went back with my friend Jen during an interesting period in my life and it happened again.

They say third time's a charm.

We went out last night in St. Gallen to some live music bars and hung out with some cool friends of my host and had a blast. We went to a club called The Barracco and heard an amazing, amazing group of singers and musicians. They ended with the most impassioned and beautiful rendition of Purple Rain I've ever heard. It was magic. :D

At the moment, i'm chillin' out before dinner listening to Counting Crows. Good stuff. I am going to try and get my pics uploaded and taken care of this evening.

Also-I haven't forgotten about my chapter 5. I had a bit of insight on the train over here from Germany to Switzerland so I'm going to try and condense that into some coherent thoughts and get it posted. It's going to be a busy next couple of days but I think I can manage. I just have to make the time hehe. (c:


Alrighty...more later.